Are you too independent? Is there a such thing?
Not too long ago, I was told by a man that he only had ‘one thing’ to offer me because I’m too independent. Sad isn’t it? Did that say more about me or more about him? Hell…I thought to myself Why would he think he only has one thing to offer me? Well, let me start from the beginning. I am a pretty established young lady who has an honest job, vehicle, lives on her own, pays her own bills, two Master degrees, operates a few side businesses, and appears to pretty much have her shit in order…mind you I said ‘pretty much’. Well, I guess those things would constitute as being ‘independent’ right? I am independent by default! Being the single ass woman that I am for the last ten years, I had no choice but to work my tail off to get what I have. This is not to down-talk any woman (or man) in a relationship/marriage who considers herself/himself independent. I strongly believe in individuals being self-sufficient (man or woman) should something occur in their relationship that separates the two of them or causes for one to step up in a temporary matter. This ain’t about yall right now though because I am sure your mate is not telling you that they only have one thing to offer! LBVS!
Continuing on…I came across this guy and I wasn’t looking to date him or anything close to dating in fact. We just started having some in depth conversations. Throughout one conversation, he made the indication of being interested in me, but he only had one thing to offer. I guess I can’t knock him for being honest because he could have played with my mind, and/or made me feel like he was “the one”, but he kept it real with me and I had to respect him for that. What I couldn’t respect was him downplaying himself as a man who I felt was fully capable of doing other things besides giving me the “D”. I asked, “What makes you think that you can only offer sex to me?”. His response was, “You’ve got your degrees, you have your own money, own crib, drive a newer vehicle, and you just too independent. There’s nothing I can do for you”. I told him that was some bull-shit. It definitely said more about him than me considering that I feel like I do what I am supposed to do as an adult. I definitely will not downplay my abilities and accomplishments to make a man feel superior or needed. Not gonna happen! My response to him was, “Well, there are things that I would love to do with a man beside screwing him! You know there’s outings, trips out of town, building a family together, supporting each other’s endeavors, hanging a picture on the wall, mowing the lawn, cuddle, scratch my back, hell the list can go on”. I started to question does this run a man off or is this just a case of a man displaying that he has low self-esteem? Hell, women are not the only ones who can carry low self-esteem contrary to how society makes us feel that way.
I wouldn’t consider myself ‘too independent’. I am not too independent to split my bills with an able-bodied man who is willing to learn who I am, what I am about, respect me and allow me to do the same for him. I am not too independent to allow a man to take care of the home…I’m really not..trust me! LOL! I am not quite sure what I wish he would have said, but it’s obviously something within him that he doesn’t feel too good about since he outright admitted to his lack of ability to meet my needs beyond sex (sex that he wasn’t getting in the first place…just sayin’). Perhaps that’s all he wanted in the first place? Definitely not for me if you can’t embrace/respect my grind and ambition. Relationships where one lacks more than the other and makes them feel as if it’s a bad thing or guilty for it never work anyhow!